Bye Bye Baby K

One of the first things people usually say about foster parenting is to comment/ask how hard it will be when a child who has been with your family for an extended period leaves. Well, today, we learned that it is indeed hard! After six months of being a part of our family, baby K was moved to live with a relative. We knew it was coming, but it was still sad to see him go, especially knowing that he is not necessarily going back to a functional, happy family situation. We are going to greatly miss his sweet little presence around here!

Foster parenting is hard. In fact, it kind of just stinks much of the time! Adoption is hard in a lot of ways, too, but with adoption, you are working toward a happy ending, a new son or daughter, a new little blessing to call your own. While it requires sacrifice, there is a gain at the end of the adoption road. With foster parenting, a child suddenly shows up on your doorstep with nothing but the clothes on his/her back. You pour into the child, feeding, clothing, playing, taking to doctors appointments, taking to family visits, and trying to love him/her as your own. And then one day, you get a call, and with little notice, a stranger comes and takes that child away to go live in a situation that almost always is not what you would consider an ideal or even a good situation. You have no control over it. No one thanks you for the time, effort, and love you put into raising their child for months on end. You probably never hear from or about that child again, and you never know if the time that you poured into that child’s life will make a real difference in the outcome of his/her life. People will question to your face whether what you are pouring your time and your heart into really matters in the end or makes a difference in the grand scheme of the child’s life.

Does a questionable end result matter, though, or are we only supposed to do things that satisfy us with visible, tangible results? Does the Bible say to care for orphans or love people or share the Gospel with someone only when you are absolutely certain it will make a difference? Or is it about obedience . . . obeying what God has called us to do whether or not He allows us to see the fruit of our labor?

If foster parenting has taught me anything, it is that life is not supposed to be about me. Is it heartbreaking to raise and love a child for half of a year and then have him taken away to a bad situation? Yes, it has brought me to tears more than once in the last couple of days, but I'm not doing it for me. It’s really not about the baby either, it’s about Christ. Matthew 25:34-40 says

“Then the King will say . . . For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’
“Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’
“The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

How awesome it is that even though he is not physically here, Christ has given us a tangible way to serve him here on earth! When we feed the hungry, we are in essence feeding our Savior. When we love our neighbor, we are loving Jesus. When we care for an orphan, we are loving and serving Christ himself.

THIS is what makes foster parenting an honor and a joy despite the hard days and moments and despite the fact that it may or may not “make a difference” in the end – it is an opportunity to daily pour one’s life out for Christ, to love him, to serve him, to feed and clothe him. Having baby K in our home has been a constant challenge and reminder for these six months that our lives are not about us, that our lives are not our own, that, as John 3:30 says, “He must become greater; I must become less.” I fail miserably at living this out as well as I want to most days (ok, every day), but I am grateful to God for using that precious little boy to challenge us and to draw us closer to Himself.

Please keep K in your prayers this week as he goes through what will be a huge transition in his little life!

Snakes and Snails and Puppy Dog Tails . . .

and wagons and trucks . . .





and balls . . .



and dirt . . .



and sticks . ..


THAT'S what little boys are made of!!!

God's Plan for Orphans . . .

People often look at fostering/adoption/orphan advocacy and tell us, "That's a special calling." Yes, it is . . . but I would argue that caring for the orphans/fatherless, whether through adoption, fostering, supporting others who are adopting or fostering, or some other means . . . is not a special calling not just for me or my family or a tiny group within the church. . . it's the calling for anyone who claims to be a follower of Christ.

Learn to do right; seek justice. Defend the oppressed. Take up the cause of the fatherless; plead the case of the widow. ~Isaiah 1:17

Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves. ~Proverbs 31:8

And whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me. ~Matthew 18:5

Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me . . . whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me. ~Matthew 25:40&45

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. ~James 1:27

This Is a GREAT and very convicting video with some hard truths in it that we ALL should take time to watch . . .

Just an Update

I was at a park a few months ago, and some children were playing "house" as children do, and I couldn't believe my ears/eyes when I heard a little girl say, "I'll be the mom!" and then pretend to be on her laptop or phone the entire time. Yikes! If your kids were to play "house," how would they play your role? I want my kids to see the Mommy as someone who spends quality time playing, teaching, loving, and taking care of her family and not as a person who is usually distracted at the computer or phone, and I vowed that afternoon to make my computer off limits during their awake time (and I refuse to get a phone with internet b/c I don't even want that temptation and am not nearly important enough to need to need internet access anywhere and everywhere I go). So all that to say - now that the boys have transitioned to just one nap time, my blog updates have been few . . . but here goes . . .

Adoption: We received the last bit of paperwork we needed from Uganda yesterday, and Scott's office manager is working on notorizing a huge stack of 66 (yes, you read that right!) documents so we can send all of our paperwork to our agency tomorrow. Our dossier should be in Uganda by the end of next week! Once it arrives, our attorney can file for a court date. The courts are closed December 15-January 15, so we are hoping to get a call in January telling us to get on an airplane!

There is another family adopting from Malachi's orphange who is taking a trip there next week, and we were able to send a little care package with them for Malachi. It was so wonderful to be able to send some special little things to our little boy, and they are also going to take some updated pictures and videos of him for us which we can't wait to see.

I received an update today on all the babies in the home, and there was just one sentence about our little guy, and it read,

He cries, he's been sick...he gets lonely and needs company...likes to be around others.

Needless to say, that update broke this mother's heart, and I cannot wait to be there to hold my sweet son when he is sick or sad or lonely. I hate that he doesn't yet have a mommy or a daddy there to love on and hold and comfort him. Please join us in praying for a court date in January so that we can get to our boy as soon as possible!

Javen: He is 19 months old now and full of energy. He has recently begun climbing up and on everything - he even climbed all the way to the top of a 7 foot adult-sized ladder last week totally by himself (Daddy was there to make sure he didn't fall off)! He is talking up a storm and says a lot of words very clearly. Last month, I went from "Mama" to "Mommy", and while I was pretty sad to see the baby version slip away, it is pretty cute to hear his sweet little voice calling for "Mommy" all day. He loves to read (reading is pretty much the only time he is not moving) and he LOVES balls these days - he usually has either a book or a ball in his hands - sometimes both.:) He is ALL boy, which I just love. His favorite part of the day is when Daddy comes home. They like to go out and play in Daddy's truck every night. He loves to laugh, and he loves to try to make us laugh. He is very social and love to play outside with all the neighborhood kids every evening. He is an absolute joy and gets more fun by the day.

Baby K: Our foster baby, baby K., is 14 months old now and has been with us for 5 months now. We have gotten to see him grow from a baby into a little boy, and he is as cute and sweet as can be. It is looking like he will be leaving us in the next few weeks to be placed with a relative, after which we will switch to doing shorter term respite/emergency shelter foster care until after our adoption (and will take a break from fostering altogether for a little bit while we adjust to our new son).

Life: Life is full and sweet and exhausting these days. Scott is staying busy at work, and my days are never dull with these two little ones underfoot, and of course we are all in a bit of a season of waiting while we prepare to travel to Uganda.

We took some family pictures last week, and I'll try to post a few of them in the next few days.:)

Missing Mallory

I have been missing my sweet sister Mallory this week and having a hard time believing that today marked a full year without her. In a way, it feels like she was here in my living room just yesterday, but when I think about how much she has missed - and how much we have missed her - it feels like much longer than just one year has passed since she was here with us. . .

I've been trying to think of a tradition to start with our children to remember and celebrate their Aunt Mal every year - something that would allow her to be a special part of our children's lives and that would enable her life to continue touching others as she did so well throughout her 25 years. I decided to borrow the idea of my sweet friend Carolina, who lost her precious new son Andrew a couple of years ago and who, along with her husbad, celebrates his life every year by finding a way to serve others on Andrew's birthday.

Opportunites to serve are limited with two kids under 18 months, but this afternoon I took the boys to visit a retirement community/assisted living home, and they brought many smiles and much joy to some sweet, lonely, elderly men and women. We were also asked to speak at a foster parent training class in the evening, so we took the boys along and were grateful for a second opportunity to serve as a family on this special day. I am grateful for such a special way to celebrate Mallory's life, and I know this will be a special tradition in our family for the rest of our lives (thanks, Carolina!).

The boys bringing smiles to the assited living home - and Javen borrowing one of his new friend's hats:)


A video about Mal

BIG NEWS!!!

We received our referral on Monday!!!

For those who aren't familiar with the adoption lingo, the "referral" is when you are officially matched with the child you are going to adopt.

We were sent some pictures and videos which I am not allowed to post (if I see you in person I can show you:), but he is absolutely adorable. I still tear up every time I look at his sweet face. It blows me away that God knew before He created this precious child, before this child became an orphan, before we even started this process and through all the bumps and curves in our adoption journey, that THIS is the child he was leading us to, that this specific little guy would be our son.

Of course now that we have a little son waiting for us, it is so hard to wait to meet him and to hold him and to bring him out of the orphanage and into our home and family. It kills me to be missing his babyhood milestones and not to be the one to hold him and kiss him when he cries and all those other things that mommies are supposed to do. Our paperwork is already with our attorney in Uganda, and there are some more paperwork steps we need to go through, but assuming all goes fairly smoothly, we are hoping/expecting to travel in January or February.

The estimated time in country for the adoption is 4-6 weeks. Scott and Javen and I will all go over for the first 7-14 days for court, and then because Scott can't miss that much work, he will come back to the states while the rest of us stay behind to wait for the paperwork and visas to be finished so that we can come home. I cannot wait for that day!

We are naming our little son Malachi. We have always loved that name, and I think it is so fitting for this baby because I just love the underlying theme of God's incredible faithfulness and abundant grace that resonates throughout the book of Malachi in the Bible. Malachi is believed to have been born around February of this year, so assuming that is fairly accurate, he will be about 10 months younger than Javen.

We covet your prayers over these next few months. We are of course praying overall for a fast and smooth process, safe and healthy travels, etc., but here are three specific things we are praying for right now . . .

-For Malachi's health and safety in the orphanage

-For the women who are loving on and caring for him in the orphanage (it's a Christian orphanage)

-For our paperwork to be processed quickly - in particular that the officer assigned to our case at the USCIS would move on it quickly.

Thank you for praying for and rejoicing with us - we can't wait to introduce Malachi to all of you!

Our Adoption Rollercoaster

This started as an adoption blog, and maybe you have noticed that I haven't mentioned the adoption in a while. . . .

We have had some pretty MAJOR changes of plans over the last couple of months, but since we felt like we keep announcing new plans and then having them fail to work out, this time we decided not to share our updates with many people until we actually were fairly certain that the latest set of plans would actually come to fruition. You know the phrase "We plan, God laughs"? Well, he's been doing lots of laughing at us (me in particular!) lately as He has been teaching us that try what we will, everything will happen in His perfect way and in His perfect timing - not ours!

We have have been thrown some new loops in this wild adoption roller coaster ride in the last couple of months, so I'll start at the beginning and recap and try to keep it as short and sweet as possible. . .



Since before we got married, we have felt the call and the desire to grow our family through adoption from Africa. When we were getting close to starting the process and started researching our options to see which African countries' criteria met ours and we theirs, it came down to two countries - Uganda and Ethiopia. While there can always be bumps in the road, Ethiopia's process was very stable and simple - an agency would do most of the legwork for us on the Ethiopian side of things, and the travel was short and predictable. With Uganda, we would do all the legwork, it required a much longer in-country stay of an unknown length, the process was not as stable, and it was not nearly as predictable or as "easy" as the Ethiopian process. After talking and praying about it, though, we were surprised that we both felt absolutley certain that we were supposed to adopt from Uganda, and we began moving in that direction.

The month we made that decision, it seemed like everyone we talked to had some connections with friends or family or missionaries in Uganda (mostly in the capital city of Kampala where we planned to be!), and we thought these sudden connections affirmed that we were making the right decision.


A few months into the process, Uganda had some major issues with their adoptions, and things came to a standstill. We could not get answers from anyone, orphanages stopped giving referrals, and no one knew when or even if adoptions would continue in this country. We decided to get out while we still could, and we went back to the drawing board.

This was when we learned about Rwanda. The program was fairly new (but became popular fast!) but also seemed stable, and we found a Christian ministry that facilitates Rwandan adoptions that would walk us through the steps. Since we had been SO certain that our kids were in Uganda, we were very surprised and disappointed and confused when we made the change to Rwanda, but I surmised that since Rwanda wasn't on our radar before, perhaps this failed Ugandan side trip was God's way of getting us to Rwanda . . .

Fast forward a few more months to August. Most of our Rwanda dossier documents are gathered and ready to go to Tallahassee. All we need is our USCIS approval, but due to a change in the way they are processing the adoption applications, what was supposed to be a three-week process is at 3 months and counting. All we need is that approval, and then within a few weeks, we can have our dossier in Rwanda (it has to go through Tallahassee and Washington first) and will officially be a "waiting family."

Then one day toward the end of August, we received an e-mail from our facilitating ministry informing us that without warning (NO ONE saw this coming), the Rwandan Embassy was about to announce that they were closing to new adoption applications as of the end of August. While they said they plan to reopen at some point, no one knows if it will be in six months or in six years. This was quite a blow, and since we did not feel that we were able or willing to put our family on hold indefinitely, we were back to square one. On the bright side, because everything was still in process at the USCIS, changing countries would require only a fairly simple amendment to our home study and a change of country request for the USCIS.

The same day we got the e-mail about Rwanda, I got an e-mail from an aquaintance (a Mama who recently adopted a little boy from Uganda) . . . . . it was an e-mail about how she was helping a long-established and and highly reputable agency start a pilot program in Uganda and was looking for families who were interested in adopting from orphanges there. The problems that had halted things earlier in the year were resolved, and Ugandan adoptions were again moving smoothly and with enough stability for this agency to start a program there. Feeling (again) that Uganda was the place, but wanting to do our due diligence, I called a couple of Ethiopian adoption agencies, and it became more and more clear during those conversations that Ethiopia was not a good fit for us at this time.

So . . . we are back to Uganda! After researching and talking and praying about this decision, we feel that this is the direction we are supposed to take. Part of me wonders if we jumped out of the Uganda boat too soon a few months back when things there were looking pretty grim and impossible, but I do think we are on a better track now, as it will be a much easier process for us now that we have an agency to make the connections for us and to guide and help us through the process - and since our paperwork is taking forever at the USCIS (it's finally starting to move!), all these changes of countries have not been the cause of any delay!

Another change (and it is a long explanation - you can ask me in person if you're really curious!) is that we will be adopting ONE child instead of TWO as we had originally planned. We want to keep the birth order with Javen as the oldest, so the baby we adopt will be a boy born some time after May of '09.




We hope to be able to share some more exciting updates very soon such as travel specifics and time frame, but for now we wanted to share what has been going on and to let it be known that it is a UGANDAN baby who will be joining our family.:)

Hopefully there will be no more crazy loops on this ride!!!

Weekend in the Swamp

The last weekend in September, we joined Scott's dad and stepmom in Gainesville to watch the Gators defeat Kentucky. It was the first time I've been to a game in three years, and we had a blast. A sweet friend in Gainesville offered to keep Javen while we went to the game, so we got to bring him along, too (much to the delight of his grandparents!).




Javen loved playing on the luggage cart with his Papa (notice Papa's cute "Papa Gator" shirt!

A Mommy and Javen Date

One of the hardest parts of foster parenting for me has been giving up so much of my one-on-one time with Javen. Starting this week, baby K will be gone for a few hours on Thursdays to visit with his mom, and I am SO excited about having those few hours of Javen all to myself every week. As soon as we dropped K off this morning, we headed to the zoo to spend some quality time together.

We started our morning with a ride on the "choo-choo"



It is so fun now that Javen is old enough to enjoy the animals. His favorite book these days has lots of pictures of animals in it, and it was fun to watch his delight as he put together the animals he has seen in his books with the real live ones.

Two seconds after I took this picture, he leaned forward and gave this goat a big kiss . . . on it's bottom.


Unfortunately, Javen called the llama (in the background) the "mama" - we got a few strange looks as he followed it around the petting zoo for a solid five minutes(it didn't want him to pet it and kept moving away) all the while saying "Mama! Mama!" to it over and over again . . .


For $3, you can feed a giraffe a cracker. I wasn't about to spring $3 for a cracker, so we just waited until some other sucker came to buy one and then took some pictures when the giraffe came to get their treat. You'll notice from the worried look on Javen's face that he probably wouldn't have been that thrilled with giving the giraffe a cracker anyway. He wasn't about it let it out of his sight.



Javen was absolultey delighted with his ride on the back of a camel.




I think I wore him out!

GO GATORS!

If you know my husband at all, you know that he LOVES college football and that he is a HUGE fan of the Florida Gators. One of the things he looks forward to with sons is getting to enjoy and bond over that hobby together, and he has wasted no time in getting Javen started. We don't let the boys watch TV at all and never have it on while they are awake, but Scott insisted that Gator football games needed to be an exception to that rule.:)

Watching with Daddy



In the first two weeks of college football, Javen learned the Gator chomp and how to signal a touchdown. His C-Daddy (my dad) also taught him today how to signal an incomplete pass which is hilarious - I'll have to post a video.

Touchdown!!!!


Unfortunately, all the pictures I took with K in them show his face, so I can't post them, but I will have to take a picture of the kids from behind one of these weeks because they look absolutely adorable in their matching Gators outfits!

True Christian Motherhood

More advice from the blog of Miss June . . .

How should a Christian mother view children?

1. As a gift and miracle from God and not as drudgery.

2. She has been entrusted by God to care for them for their time on earth.

3. She delights in them and is thankful for them, even on hard days.

4. She is protective, never bad-mouthing her children to others or slandering them.

5. She understands that they are the next generation entrusted with the Gospel.

6. She knows their souls are precious to God and He knows the number of every hair on their head.

7. She knows she is accountable to God for how she raises them so she faithfully sacrifices her love, her patience and her life for them.

8. She understands that even as they are in a state of infancy now that this precious season is quickly fleeting and in a blink of an eye they will grow up---so she savors the moment.

9. She welcomes the number of children the Lord gives her and treasures each one in her heart because she knows the He has a purpose for each and every single one--- even if the world doesn't see it that way. She rejects the lie that children are a burden.

10. She understands and embraces the future--she knows her job is not done when her children graduate from high school or when they turn eighteen, instead it continues on until she takes her last breath.

11. As she cares for a crying infant or sick child she realizes it is part of God's great plan to mold her into becoming a nurturing mother and into the image of Christ.

12. She acknowledges that she is the best one to take care of them as God has chosen to give them to her. She understands her children in a way that a stranger cannot. She realizes that mothering is her sacred work and is careful not neglect her responsibilities. She is protective over who cares for her children.

13. She recognizes her season with little ones and uses wisdom. She tries to surround herself with like minded women who are going through the same season or have been through it and can encourage and support her.

14. The Christian mother does not rely Oprah, Dr. Phil or the latest trends in parenting magazines for wisdom but instead searches God's Word to help her raise her family because it is the source of all truth.

15. She clearly understands that she and her husband are an undivided team when it comes to parenting their children and respectfully allows him to lead the home. She knows that if she is dominating, controlling or manipulating she would destroy her home so she purposefully learns to trust God on matters of submission.

16. She wisely spends her time in prayer---for herself to be a godly mother, for her husband to be a godly father and for children's salvation and their futures. She knows her time in prayer is never wasted time.

17. The Christian mother seeks to educate her children about the Lord so she wisely invests her days teaching them all she knows about Him and His Word.

18. When her season of raising her children has passed, she looks forward to investing her time and love into her grandchildren as they arrive. She doesn't try to move far away to 'begin living her life' but instead she considers them a blessing and her love for them evident. She considers it an honor to take part in their lives. She is a loyal encourager and faithfully supports her children in raising her grandchildren.

Why We Love Mondays

We hear a rumbling sound followed by loud beeping. Javen's jumps up from whatever he is doing, yells "truck!" and runs to the front door. We open it and rush outside to find . . .





We wave to our friendly trash collector, and he always waves back and honks his horn at the boys which they LOVE!




As soon as he finishes, Javen tries to copy his recycling man buddy by picking up and turning over our recycling bin.






Then we run out into the street and wave to the big green truck until it disappears around the corner.



That's right, Mondays are pretty exciting around here.:)

Mallory's First Birthday in Heaven

Today would have been Mallory's 26th birthday and is the first time in 26 years that I haven't been able to see or at least call her to wish her a happy birthday.

I miss her all the time, but there are at least one or two moments in every day when I miss Mallory incredibly much . . . moments when I think of something she is missing that she would have loved . . . when something happens that I want to share with her but can't (our multiple daily phone calls about minute details of our lives that no one else would care about is one of the things I still miss the most -I still pick up the phone to call her sometimes!) . . . moments when family are gathered together and she is not there with us . . . moments when I watch Javen play and think about how much Aunt Mal wanted to be a part of his life and how she would have loved to watch him growing up. . . moments when I see other sisters growing older together and wonder why we didn't get that chance . . .

Then I recall Psalm 84:10 - Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere, and I am reminded that Mallory is not missing out on anything, that she is experiencing a peace and a wholeness and a joy that none of us here has the capacity to imagine, that she would not trade even one day of experiencing God's presence in Heaven for a full lifetime here. Sadness is so opposite from joy, but when I recall Psam 84, I am truly able to feel both deep sorrow and deep joy at the same time.

Sweet Mal, you are so very missed here, but your life continues to be remembered and celebrated by many, and it continues to impact lives and bring glory to God. Love and miss you!

What Does a Duck Say?

It all starts with a tap on the glass . . . So we open the blinds to find . . .






This generates great interest and excitement . . . and quacking sounds from both ducks and little boys . . .




So of course we open the door and feed our little friends (hmmmm . . . I wonder why they keep coming back?)




And sometimes we try to invite them into the house (which Mommy puts a VERY quick stop to!)




This exciting event happens at least twice a day around here . . . I love my life.:)