One of the first things people usually say about foster parenting is to comment/ask how hard it will be when a child who has been with your family for an extended period leaves. Well, today, we learned that it is indeed hard! After six months of being a part of our family, baby K was moved to live with a relative. We knew it was coming, but it was still sad to see him go, especially knowing that he is not necessarily going back to a functional, happy family situation. We are going to greatly miss his sweet little presence around here!
Foster parenting is hard. In fact, it kind of just stinks much of the time! Adoption is hard in a lot of ways, too, but with adoption, you are working toward a happy ending, a new son or daughter, a new little blessing to call your own. While it requires sacrifice, there is a gain at the end of the adoption road. With foster parenting, a child suddenly shows up on your doorstep with nothing but the clothes on his/her back. You pour into the child, feeding, clothing, playing, taking to doctors appointments, taking to family visits, and trying to love him/her as your own. And then one day, you get a call, and with little notice, a stranger comes and takes that child away to go live in a situation that almost always is not what you would consider an ideal or even a good situation. You have no control over it. No one thanks you for the time, effort, and love you put into raising their child for months on end. You probably never hear from or about that child again, and you never know if the time that you poured into that child’s life will make a real difference in the outcome of his/her life. People will question to your face whether what you are pouring your time and your heart into really matters in the end or makes a difference in the grand scheme of the child’s life.
Does a questionable end result matter, though, or are we only supposed to do things that satisfy us with visible, tangible results? Does the Bible say to care for orphans or love people or share the Gospel with someone only when you are absolutely certain it will make a difference? Or is it about obedience . . . obeying what God has called us to do whether or not He allows us to see the fruit of our labor?
If foster parenting has taught me anything, it is that life is not supposed to be about me. Is it heartbreaking to raise and love a child for half of a year and then have him taken away to a bad situation? Yes, it has brought me to tears more than once in the last couple of days, but I'm not doing it for me. It’s really not about the baby either, it’s about Christ. Matthew 25:34-40 says
“Then the King will say . . . For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’
“Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’
“The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’
How awesome it is that even though he is not physically here, Christ has given us a tangible way to serve him here on earth! When we feed the hungry, we are in essence feeding our Savior. When we love our neighbor, we are loving Jesus. When we care for an orphan, we are loving and serving Christ himself.
THIS is what makes foster parenting an honor and a joy despite the hard days and moments and despite the fact that it may or may not “make a difference” in the end – it is an opportunity to daily pour one’s life out for Christ, to love him, to serve him, to feed and clothe him. Having baby K in our home has been a constant challenge and reminder for these six months that our lives are not about us, that our lives are not our own, that, as John 3:30 says, “He must become greater; I must become less.” I fail miserably at living this out as well as I want to most days (ok, every day), but I am grateful to God for using that precious little boy to challenge us and to draw us closer to Himself.
Please keep K in your prayers this week as he goes through what will be a huge transition in his little life!
