Mallory's First Birthday in Heaven

Today would have been Mallory's 26th birthday and is the first time in 26 years that I haven't been able to see or at least call her to wish her a happy birthday.

I miss her all the time, but there are at least one or two moments in every day when I miss Mallory incredibly much . . . moments when I think of something she is missing that she would have loved . . . when something happens that I want to share with her but can't (our multiple daily phone calls about minute details of our lives that no one else would care about is one of the things I still miss the most -I still pick up the phone to call her sometimes!) . . . moments when family are gathered together and she is not there with us . . . moments when I watch Javen play and think about how much Aunt Mal wanted to be a part of his life and how she would have loved to watch him growing up. . . moments when I see other sisters growing older together and wonder why we didn't get that chance . . .

Then I recall Psalm 84:10 - Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere, and I am reminded that Mallory is not missing out on anything, that she is experiencing a peace and a wholeness and a joy that none of us here has the capacity to imagine, that she would not trade even one day of experiencing God's presence in Heaven for a full lifetime here. Sadness is so opposite from joy, but when I recall Psam 84, I am truly able to feel both deep sorrow and deep joy at the same time.

Sweet Mal, you are so very missed here, but your life continues to be remembered and celebrated by many, and it continues to impact lives and bring glory to God. Love and miss you!

What Does a Duck Say?

It all starts with a tap on the glass . . . So we open the blinds to find . . .






This generates great interest and excitement . . . and quacking sounds from both ducks and little boys . . .




So of course we open the door and feed our little friends (hmmmm . . . I wonder why they keep coming back?)




And sometimes we try to invite them into the house (which Mommy puts a VERY quick stop to!)




This exciting event happens at least twice a day around here . . . I love my life.:)

Advice from Miss June

My friend Tiffany shared with me a blog by an experienced and wise woman and mother of eight who gives advice and encouragement to mothers on how to build beautiful homes for the Lord and raise children who impact their world for Christ. It is one of my new favorite blogs, and Miss June has generously given me permission to share some of her posts here. There are so many thought-provoking posts whose content has the ability to make all of us better wives and mothers, and since I know most of you who read my blog are wives and/or mothers, I am going to try to pick one of her entries every couple of weeks to share in hopes that her words will bless you as they have me (if you have time, you can go to her blog to read them for yourself). This first one I have chosen to share is the one that my friend Tiffany used to encourage me a few months back when she first introduced me to this blog (thanks, Tif!:):

The Exquisite Home Culture

What is home culture, you ask?

Home culture is the atmosphere that is purposefully and intentionally cultivated within the four walls of your home. It is the music when you walk in the door; it is the conversation at the dinner table, it is the games played by the fireside, it is the singing when your daughters do the dishes or the laughter of small toddlers who find a small green caterpillar. Culture . . . it exists just as richly and lively inside your home as it does outside your front door.

Dear Mothers, we weave the tapestry of home life for our loved ones as we create the culture of our home. As we sit down and plan the days and months ahead, we purposefully begin writing what is akin to a novel of soon-to-be memories of our families’ lives. The music played in the background of your homes today will become the soundtrack from their childhood. The art you hang on your walls can have a deep and lasting impression on a child’s mind and soul. Children will forever fondly remember the smells, music, joy, and memories of their childhood and always fondly desire to return to it . . . even when they are old and grey.

But even more importantly than these things are what is experienced in a home. Is there a joy, peace, and forgiveness? Or is there anger, strife, and quarreling? That is what makes a home. Not the fancy furnishings or the designer tablecloth that the magazines taunt us with – but the LOVE and TIME that is lovingly sacrificed for one another. Mothers, even if all the earth around you is wicked – you alone create and make your home a small haven for your family behind those closed doors, a sacred dwelling where Christ is center. There could be ruin and folly outside your doors, but inside your peaceful sanctuary, you, with loving hands, create a calm refuge for those you love.

Christ must always be the center of the home otherwise all other things will be off balance. True peace cannot be attained if the Prince of Peace is absent. At home, make every effort to teach children patiently His Word, doctrine, and apologetics. Teach them about the world around them so they will be a well-trained soldier going into battle totally prepared. Patiently explain to them the Gospel as many times as it takes in hopes of saving their souls, and do not abandon or assume this precious responsibility to another.

At the meal table be sure to enjoy lively discussions about Scripture, ethics, worldviews, missions, current events, church planting, sermons, ways to minister to others, etc. Home should be the hub of excitement – where great plans and great lives are molded, where hospitality and ministry takes place. We do not need a church program to do ministry – instead, we need to view our homes as a focal point for ministry to begin. Are our homes perfect? Certainly not – a home filled with sinners will contain sin! Mercy, grace, and forgiveness are common visitors at our home. A home of imperfect sinners will learn to rely heavily, humbly, and wholeheartedly on its Savior.

Home should be a merry, spirited place of celebration – joke around, wrestle, play games, chase each other, go out together, travel, play instruments, sing together, relax together. Do not stifle children with a rigid and cold home environment and extinguish the joy from their hearts. Children are like flowers who bask in the sun of love. Too often we ignore our children or put stern expectations on them and do not savor the grandeur and beauty of their childhood. Home should also be a place that when the dark streets temptingly beckon our children’s hearts – that they will remember the sweetness and joy of the home life and hopefully choose that shelter instead.

Home culture takes planning . . . it takes time . . . it takes thought.
Mothers hold the brush in painting the beauty, fun, and memories in children’s lives.

“By wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; by knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches.” ~ Proverbs 24:3-4

Dear Mothers, what a privilege it is to prepare such a place for our families. Prayerfully begin planning the culture for your home today!

Adjusting

Our primary computer is in the room where K. sleeps, so it has been a while since I've been able to update. These past couple of weeks with baby K. have gone so much more smoothly - amazing what an attitude change combined with a healthier kid and getting everyone over the adjustment hump can do! K. is the sweetest little (big) baby and is a joy to have in our home.

It has also been a joy to watch Javen step into the big brother role (after one terrible week of resistance to sharing mommy) and to see how this is already molding his little character as he learns to love and share. When Javen wakes up in the morning, he immediately starts saying "baby" and can't wait to go to K's room to get him out of his crib, and whenever we are in public and someone new approaches them in their stroller, Javen imediately points proudly to K. to make sure that that new person has noticed "his" baby. It is very cute. Sadly, it is likely that K. may be leaving us in the next week or two, so we may be saying good bye to him and starting all over again with yet another new baby before long.

Although things have improved drastically from that first very rough week with baby K., there have in these last few weeks been days or moments that are intensely frustrating/exhausting/discouraging/etc., and I have been grateful for some sweet friends who have blessed me with words/notes/e-mails/blog comments/calls of encouragement. Some have reminded us to serve as if serving the Lord, and others have reminded us to let this extra child in our home be a humble reminder of the Gospel - of all that Christ has done for us in adopting us as sons into His family. I even received a very sweet annonymous note in the mail with a Target gift card enclosed to help with some of the baby expenses, so if that thoughtful someone is reading this, thank you for blessing me with that, and know that your encouragement could not have come on a better day!

Not everyone has been approving of our decision to foster and/or adopt, and experiencing the discouragement of a negative response as well as the boost from a kind word spoken in the right moment has been a reminder to me to be an encourager- to be careful that the words I speak are words that build up and not words that tear down and to intentionally be more generous with giving encouraging words to others.

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. ~I Thessalonians 5:11

Your love has given me great joy and encouragement, because you, brother, have refreshed the hearts of the saints. ~Philemon 1:7

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. ~Ephesians 4:29


In other family news . . .

We are STILL waiting to get our USCIS approval before we can move forward with getting our paperwork to Rwanda, and we just officially joined Covenant Life Church in Tampa and are LOVING this church and being a part of this wonderful church family. Other than that, nothing else new around here!:)

Confession is Good for the Soul

I just wanted to share some things God has been doing in my heart and life over the past few days since baby K. arrived in our home, in hopes that it will encourage and challenge anyone who happens to read this (warning, it may get long!) . . . I hesitated to do so because taking care of one extra baby probably doesn't seem like a big deal or a tough thing for some people who have done way more than that, but I don't claim to be the best "mom of mulitples" out there and have struggled quite a bit this week with this combination of these two particular babies, so with that little disclaimer, I'll share anyway.:)

Baby K. arrived on our doorstep last week with a bad cold/stomach bug. He had a gross snotty nose, he coughed all over everyone, he coated me in disgusting-smelling vomit more than once, he had the most horrible diarreah-filled diapers you will ever see (or smell), and he was just a most disgusting little person (I know, I'm a terrible person for saying and thinking this). He demanded a lot of my time and attention which kept me from getting to enjoy Javen (with whom he of course shared his cold) as I am used to doing, and I have spent the past week watching not only two sick, fussy babies cry in my face, but also watching the clock for the next nap or bed time so I could get a rest and a break from them! I took care of baby K. the best I could, but I did it with a selfish and complaining spirit (and also managed to complain aloud to a few of you along the way!). I did not love him, I did not love taking care of him, and I hoped every time the phone rang that it was a social worker saying they had found a relative to place him with so I could get my life back.

Then, it hit me . . . my life?

The words of Luke 17:33 hit home - "Whoever tries to keep his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life will preserve it." I have been totally trying to keep "my" life and griping about losing it instead of allowing this circumstance to grow me and help me in the life-long journey of learning to die to myself. This (fostering and life in general) is not and should not be about me at all. As John 3:30 states, "He must become greater; I must become less."

A few years ago, the words of Isaiah 58 really took hold of my heart, especially the part where it talks about spending your life for others. That these words are used to describe what it really is to worship God was sobering to me, because while I claim to love and follow Christ, I could never say that I have, as it says in verse 9, "spent" myself on behalf of anyone but myself.

Through reading Isaiah and numerous other passages throughout the New Testament, God's desire that we love and serve those around us developed in me a desire to become a TRUE follower of Christ - to spend myself and my life for those in need to the glory of God - not just to tithe, go to church, maybe even help with the youth or teach Sunday school, volunteer a few hours a week or month with a ministry . . . . but to really pour out my life to Him . . . to be tired at the end of each day from serving Jesus in the form of a child, and not just my own baby, but the little (and snotty-pukey-poopy) baby in need of a home, the baby who doesn't have anyone to hold, protect, provide for, and love him or her.

And so now that I was caught red-handed in a pit of my own complaining selfishness, it is my hope and prayer that over these next days/weeks/months, I will go about the tasks given me with this one child (and any others that come along) - no matter how disgusting or small or unimportant they may seem - with joy and with rejoicing that I am finally getting to live the life I am called to live, that I get to be tired at the end of the day from serving my King, that I am finally living the kind of life where I need God and where I truly can't get through my day well and serve Him fully if I don't get those small moments throughout the day to delve into Scripture for His words of encouragement and challenge and love for me.


Isaiah 58:6-11

"Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice
and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
and break every yoke?

Is it not to share your food with the hungry
and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—
when you see the naked, to clothe him,
and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?

Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
and your healing will quickly appear;
then your righteousness will go before you,
and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.

Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;
you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.
"If you do away with the yoke of oppression,
with the pointing finger and malicious talk,

and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness,
and your night will become like the noonday.

The LORD will guide you always;
he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
like a spring whose waters never fail.

A Rough Week!

I have not had the time to update, but it has been a crazy past week. Newborn baby J. only remained with us for 5 days and was then taken away Wednesday afternoon to be placed with a relative. We were sad to see that sweet (and very easy - you forget how easy newborns are!) baby leave. Just a few hours after he left us, we got another call from placement, and 10-month-old baby K. arrived on our doorstep.

Baby K. is a sweet baby boy, but the transition has been rough on him and us, as he is old enough to know and miss his Mama and to be scared every time he wakes up and sees unfamiliar faces and surroundings. It is also tough because when a baby arrives, you have no idea what they eat, when they eat, when they sleep, what their schedule is or if they even have one, what sort of bedtime routines they are used to (if any), etc. You know NOTHING, and you suddenly have this child in your care who neither knows nor particularly likes you. In addition, K. arrived sick, and the poor baby threw up every day for his 1st three days here, including one projectile vomit incident that thoroughly coated me, him, his high chair, and everything within about a 4-foot-radius in nasty and very stinky puke. I did get a great picture of Scott doing his share of the clean-up, which was, despite the circumstances, quite hilarious. Only a man would think to clean a like this!


The morning before baby J. arrived, Javen decided to start refusing his naps and has become a fussy MONSTER from about 2PM on. He could not have chosen worse timing and has given me many opportunites to practice patience! This non-napping has continued all week and has been hard to break since his crib and K's crib are just on the other side of a wall from each other where Javen can wake K. up when he cries and screams as he has been doing. Starting tomorrow, though, I am gearing up for battle to get my little napper back. It will probably not be a fun couple of days of naptimes, but it needs to happen for Javen's good (he badly needs the naps) and for my sanity. Hopefully I will win this battle and we will have our sweet happy boy back by the end of this week!

All that to say, the last week has been tiring and at times a struggle with two fussy, unhappy babies, but as a wise friend recently reminded me in reference to trying to live out the Gospel in daily life - "fun was never part of the deal!" I do hope and believe, though, that as we and K. get more adjusted to one another and as Javen begins napping and being pleasant again, some more fun will return to the equation. Today was K's 4th and by far best day with us. He seemed to be feeling much better and starting to adjust to a new family and home and even starting to form a good little bond with me, so hopefully we are on the right track for a good week!

Foster Update

We got an e-mail on Friday morning that our fostering license had been granted, and within just a few hours, we got a call from placement, and a one-week baby boy was delivered to our door. Baby J. is absolutely precious and so easy to love - and so tiny, only around 6lbs. He has his days and nights a little mixed up still, but he has been a perfect baby and has hardly made a peep since he arrived (although we are expecting him to find his voice any day now!).

It is such a strange experience to have a stranger drive to your house, chat for 5 minutes, drop off a baby, and drive away. It all happened very fast.

Scott and I had both been thinking that we would be getting an older infant closer to Javen's age, so it took a few hours for us to mentally transition back to the newborn days. I loved the newborn days, though, and am enjoying getting to do them again so soon.

We can't tell yet how well Javen is taking the new addition because despite sleeping GREAT the last few weeks, Javen decided the same day that the baby arrived (yesterday) that naps are overrated, and he has seriously tried my patience these last two days by being clingy and whiney and refusing to nap. He has been so bad that I put him to bed for the night at 5:30pm the last two nights. Since he started his nap boycott yesterday morning before we even knew we were getting a new baby, it is a comfort to me to know that this behavior is not a response to a new sibling. I'm hoping he is cutting a new tooth or something and that we will get our sweet, good-napper son back very soon. So that has been a little unexpected . . . the new baby is a breeze (so far) - aside from a bit less sleep for us, and it's our own baby that is wearing us out!

We consider it an honor and a privilege to have baby J. in our home and are overjoyed at the opportunity to take care of him and love on him for however many months he remains in our care.