Just some thoughts (on how to ruin your kids' lives). . .

For the past couple of weeks, our family has temporily grown to include two elementary school-aged children who need a safe place to stay for a while. In many ways it’s been a challenge to jump suddenly from 2 to 4 kids (especially older ones!) and to take on a whole new level of (constant!) instruction and teaching and loving on a couple of hurting little hearts, but what a privilege to have the opportunity to pour into two precious little souls for a time and to have two more constant little reminders in our home of what Christ did for us in bringing us into His family when we were pretty unlovable.

It has also been a joy to watch our own children interact with these new additions and to see how by now Javen doesn’t even question why new children are living here again – he just unquestioningly welcomes them into his home and family with open arms, and Malachi has followed his lead. Our kids can teach us so much.

Over the last couple years of fostering and adoption, we’ve gotten the “but what about your 'own' children?” comment many times from caring people who think we are not being fair to Javen or Malachi . . . or that we are certainly ruining our children’s lives . . . or that we are somehow going against our Biblical responsibility to our children or each other by bringing other children with many needs into our home while our “own” children are still so little and needy.

I agree wholeheartedly that we have a biblical responsibility to love and care for and protect our children. There have been and will be seasons in life when some of our “own” children may require that we scale back on certain things to focus on a need or a lesson for a time. We cannot and ought not throw our own families and their needs by the wayside in order to meet the needs of others. It doesn't have to be one or the other, though. I don’t think the “your own children are the most important children” philosophy holds any Biblical weight, and I've never noticed a “but only after your ‘own’ children are grown” or "but only if there is no risk involved" caveat after all the many verses that tell us to love, serve, and sacrifice our lives unto Christ and the Gospel and to protect and defend the fatherless. We can't possibly be living out Christ's command to "Go into all the world" if we follow this "me and mine first" mentality.

After all, were families created to glorify God and to hold out Christ's love to a lost and dying world, or is our primary purpose to keep ourselves and our families safe and comfortable and make sure our own kids know Jesus loves them while we stay sheltered from it all?

And how can we really be fulfilling our Biblical mandate to instruct our children in the Lord if we are just teaching them with words and not through our lifestyle and actions, walking alongside them and instructing them in God's word as we give them ample opportunities to actually live out what Jesus teaches?

We tell them to rely on God and then we carefully structure our lives so that we need Him as little as possible . . . and then we scratch our heads and wonder why our teens/young adults are leaving the church by the thousands.

So often (for me, anyway) it can be all too tempting to use my kids as a justification to excuse myself from the command of loving our neighbors as ourselves. In our desire to take care of our own kids, it's all too easy to forget that they are all His children. Instead, shouldn't our kids be an impetus for us to love more and better so that they may have opportunities to learn Biblical love? I don’t want to shield my children from the hurts and injustices in the world. I want their eyes to be opened to what sin and separation from God has done in our world and I want them to grow up wanting to do something about it.

We need to teach our children that loving our neighbor as ourselves is not just an every-now-and-then thing. Loving our neighbor as ourselves doesn't just happen when it's fun or if it fits easily into our convenient little schedule or if we can ensure that it is completely risk-free. It goes far beyond taking someone a meal every now and then (not that meals are bad - we have been the very grateful recipients this year of some delicious meals on hard days!).

Afterall, we love ourselves A LOT. Loving our neighbor as ourselves means we have to learn to think about ourselves a whole lot less so we have room think about others more. It’s hard. It’s often inconvenient. It is sacrificial. There are risks. And it will bless us to pieces and require us to walk with God every step of our day, drawing on his strength, grace, and mercy. It will fill us with gratitude and humility because we will know that in light of what He has done for us, nothing we can do is even close to worthy of being called a sacrifice. We will think we are blessing someone else when really we ourselves are the ones being hugely blessed. We will hear our 2-year-olds (those same ones whose lives we are ruining by bringing other kids into our home) tell us how they are sharing their room and their mommy and daddy so that some other kids can know that Jesus loves them.

“Keeping our doors locked and never letting people in will never teach our children – or ourselves – that all we are and all we have belongs to Christ. It is our job to teach them that no matter who walks through our doors, they are welcomed and we will love. . . They all come from a gracious heavenly Father who pours out good gifts. We need to pour those gifts out to others so that they can say, 'God intervened and sent me help.'.....We have to get into the habit of giving of ourselves completely. Poured out like the rain. Taking chances and saying, "it's all Gods anyway." My time, my money, my home are all His anyway..So unlock your doors. . .Sometimes, loving others requires hard things, getting rid of our own selfishness, and our rights to comfort and time. . . Nothing I do today is more important then teaching my children to love and to love well." ~Robyn

Adjusting

Our primary computer is in the room where K. sleeps, so it has been a while since I've been able to update. These past couple of weeks with baby K. have gone so much more smoothly - amazing what an attitude change combined with a healthier kid and getting everyone over the adjustment hump can do! K. is the sweetest little (big) baby and is a joy to have in our home.

It has also been a joy to watch Javen step into the big brother role (after one terrible week of resistance to sharing mommy) and to see how this is already molding his little character as he learns to love and share. When Javen wakes up in the morning, he immediately starts saying "baby" and can't wait to go to K's room to get him out of his crib, and whenever we are in public and someone new approaches them in their stroller, Javen imediately points proudly to K. to make sure that that new person has noticed "his" baby. It is very cute. Sadly, it is likely that K. may be leaving us in the next week or two, so we may be saying good bye to him and starting all over again with yet another new baby before long.

Although things have improved drastically from that first very rough week with baby K., there have in these last few weeks been days or moments that are intensely frustrating/exhausting/discouraging/etc., and I have been grateful for some sweet friends who have blessed me with words/notes/e-mails/blog comments/calls of encouragement. Some have reminded us to serve as if serving the Lord, and others have reminded us to let this extra child in our home be a humble reminder of the Gospel - of all that Christ has done for us in adopting us as sons into His family. I even received a very sweet annonymous note in the mail with a Target gift card enclosed to help with some of the baby expenses, so if that thoughtful someone is reading this, thank you for blessing me with that, and know that your encouragement could not have come on a better day!

Not everyone has been approving of our decision to foster and/or adopt, and experiencing the discouragement of a negative response as well as the boost from a kind word spoken in the right moment has been a reminder to me to be an encourager- to be careful that the words I speak are words that build up and not words that tear down and to intentionally be more generous with giving encouraging words to others.

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. ~I Thessalonians 5:11

Your love has given me great joy and encouragement, because you, brother, have refreshed the hearts of the saints. ~Philemon 1:7

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. ~Ephesians 4:29


In other family news . . .

We are STILL waiting to get our USCIS approval before we can move forward with getting our paperwork to Rwanda, and we just officially joined Covenant Life Church in Tampa and are LOVING this church and being a part of this wonderful church family. Other than that, nothing else new around here!:)

Confession is Good for the Soul

I just wanted to share some things God has been doing in my heart and life over the past few days since baby K. arrived in our home, in hopes that it will encourage and challenge anyone who happens to read this (warning, it may get long!) . . . I hesitated to do so because taking care of one extra baby probably doesn't seem like a big deal or a tough thing for some people who have done way more than that, but I don't claim to be the best "mom of mulitples" out there and have struggled quite a bit this week with this combination of these two particular babies, so with that little disclaimer, I'll share anyway.:)

Baby K. arrived on our doorstep last week with a bad cold/stomach bug. He had a gross snotty nose, he coughed all over everyone, he coated me in disgusting-smelling vomit more than once, he had the most horrible diarreah-filled diapers you will ever see (or smell), and he was just a most disgusting little person (I know, I'm a terrible person for saying and thinking this). He demanded a lot of my time and attention which kept me from getting to enjoy Javen (with whom he of course shared his cold) as I am used to doing, and I have spent the past week watching not only two sick, fussy babies cry in my face, but also watching the clock for the next nap or bed time so I could get a rest and a break from them! I took care of baby K. the best I could, but I did it with a selfish and complaining spirit (and also managed to complain aloud to a few of you along the way!). I did not love him, I did not love taking care of him, and I hoped every time the phone rang that it was a social worker saying they had found a relative to place him with so I could get my life back.

Then, it hit me . . . my life?

The words of Luke 17:33 hit home - "Whoever tries to keep his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life will preserve it." I have been totally trying to keep "my" life and griping about losing it instead of allowing this circumstance to grow me and help me in the life-long journey of learning to die to myself. This (fostering and life in general) is not and should not be about me at all. As John 3:30 states, "He must become greater; I must become less."

A few years ago, the words of Isaiah 58 really took hold of my heart, especially the part where it talks about spending your life for others. That these words are used to describe what it really is to worship God was sobering to me, because while I claim to love and follow Christ, I could never say that I have, as it says in verse 9, "spent" myself on behalf of anyone but myself.

Through reading Isaiah and numerous other passages throughout the New Testament, God's desire that we love and serve those around us developed in me a desire to become a TRUE follower of Christ - to spend myself and my life for those in need to the glory of God - not just to tithe, go to church, maybe even help with the youth or teach Sunday school, volunteer a few hours a week or month with a ministry . . . . but to really pour out my life to Him . . . to be tired at the end of each day from serving Jesus in the form of a child, and not just my own baby, but the little (and snotty-pukey-poopy) baby in need of a home, the baby who doesn't have anyone to hold, protect, provide for, and love him or her.

And so now that I was caught red-handed in a pit of my own complaining selfishness, it is my hope and prayer that over these next days/weeks/months, I will go about the tasks given me with this one child (and any others that come along) - no matter how disgusting or small or unimportant they may seem - with joy and with rejoicing that I am finally getting to live the life I am called to live, that I get to be tired at the end of the day from serving my King, that I am finally living the kind of life where I need God and where I truly can't get through my day well and serve Him fully if I don't get those small moments throughout the day to delve into Scripture for His words of encouragement and challenge and love for me.


Isaiah 58:6-11

"Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice
and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
and break every yoke?

Is it not to share your food with the hungry
and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—
when you see the naked, to clothe him,
and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?

Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
and your healing will quickly appear;
then your righteousness will go before you,
and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.

Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;
you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.
"If you do away with the yoke of oppression,
with the pointing finger and malicious talk,

and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness,
and your night will become like the noonday.

The LORD will guide you always;
he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
like a spring whose waters never fail.

A Rough Week!

I have not had the time to update, but it has been a crazy past week. Newborn baby J. only remained with us for 5 days and was then taken away Wednesday afternoon to be placed with a relative. We were sad to see that sweet (and very easy - you forget how easy newborns are!) baby leave. Just a few hours after he left us, we got another call from placement, and 10-month-old baby K. arrived on our doorstep.

Baby K. is a sweet baby boy, but the transition has been rough on him and us, as he is old enough to know and miss his Mama and to be scared every time he wakes up and sees unfamiliar faces and surroundings. It is also tough because when a baby arrives, you have no idea what they eat, when they eat, when they sleep, what their schedule is or if they even have one, what sort of bedtime routines they are used to (if any), etc. You know NOTHING, and you suddenly have this child in your care who neither knows nor particularly likes you. In addition, K. arrived sick, and the poor baby threw up every day for his 1st three days here, including one projectile vomit incident that thoroughly coated me, him, his high chair, and everything within about a 4-foot-radius in nasty and very stinky puke. I did get a great picture of Scott doing his share of the clean-up, which was, despite the circumstances, quite hilarious. Only a man would think to clean a like this!


The morning before baby J. arrived, Javen decided to start refusing his naps and has become a fussy MONSTER from about 2PM on. He could not have chosen worse timing and has given me many opportunites to practice patience! This non-napping has continued all week and has been hard to break since his crib and K's crib are just on the other side of a wall from each other where Javen can wake K. up when he cries and screams as he has been doing. Starting tomorrow, though, I am gearing up for battle to get my little napper back. It will probably not be a fun couple of days of naptimes, but it needs to happen for Javen's good (he badly needs the naps) and for my sanity. Hopefully I will win this battle and we will have our sweet happy boy back by the end of this week!

All that to say, the last week has been tiring and at times a struggle with two fussy, unhappy babies, but as a wise friend recently reminded me in reference to trying to live out the Gospel in daily life - "fun was never part of the deal!" I do hope and believe, though, that as we and K. get more adjusted to one another and as Javen begins napping and being pleasant again, some more fun will return to the equation. Today was K's 4th and by far best day with us. He seemed to be feeling much better and starting to adjust to a new family and home and even starting to form a good little bond with me, so hopefully we are on the right track for a good week!

Foster Update

We got an e-mail on Friday morning that our fostering license had been granted, and within just a few hours, we got a call from placement, and a one-week baby boy was delivered to our door. Baby J. is absolutely precious and so easy to love - and so tiny, only around 6lbs. He has his days and nights a little mixed up still, but he has been a perfect baby and has hardly made a peep since he arrived (although we are expecting him to find his voice any day now!).

It is such a strange experience to have a stranger drive to your house, chat for 5 minutes, drop off a baby, and drive away. It all happened very fast.

Scott and I had both been thinking that we would be getting an older infant closer to Javen's age, so it took a few hours for us to mentally transition back to the newborn days. I loved the newborn days, though, and am enjoying getting to do them again so soon.

We can't tell yet how well Javen is taking the new addition because despite sleeping GREAT the last few weeks, Javen decided the same day that the baby arrived (yesterday) that naps are overrated, and he has seriously tried my patience these last two days by being clingy and whiney and refusing to nap. He has been so bad that I put him to bed for the night at 5:30pm the last two nights. Since he started his nap boycott yesterday morning before we even knew we were getting a new baby, it is a comfort to me to know that this behavior is not a response to a new sibling. I'm hoping he is cutting a new tooth or something and that we will get our sweet, good-napper son back very soon. So that has been a little unexpected . . . the new baby is a breeze (so far) - aside from a bit less sleep for us, and it's our own baby that is wearing us out!

We consider it an honor and a privilege to have baby J. in our home and are overjoyed at the opportunity to take care of him and love on him for however many months he remains in our care.

Adoption and Family Udate

The adoption paperwork is taking much longer than anticipated, and things on the Rwandan side of adoptions are also starting to take more time. Thus, our time frame is getting longer and longer, and at this point, we are anticipating/hoping to bring our sons home some time in the middle of next year. We hope to have our dossier in Rwanda by the end of the summer, and then we begin the wait that will most likely last somewhere between 9-12 months until we can bring our boys home.

Something we haven’t shared with many people yet is that over the past few months we have been going through the process and training to become licensed foster parents.

It became clear to both of us at different times that in a city with thousands of children and babies needing a loving home and a safe place to lay their heads, this next year does not need to be and should not be one in which we sit around idly waiting for our Rwandan babies to come fill our empty room, that we can and ought to allow it to be filled now. We finished 10 weeks of training classes a couple weeks ago and were expecting the remainder of the licensing work to take a couple more months, but our process has gone unusually fast (mostly because we had already gone through many of the steps required for fostering during our adoption home study), and we just learned that we should be officially licensed and have a baby placed in our home within the next two to three weeks.

Psalm 68:6 ~ God places the lonely in families.
Crib #2 waiting to be filled